It’s been a long time since I have written something.
But since last few days I have been missing my father a lot. He is no longer with us.
As any father-daughter relationship, we had our bitter-sweet moments. I would avoid talking to him, to argue with him, because deep down I knew he would be right. And he used to be right, mostly about everything and everyone. I wish I had listened to him more.
He was always so calm even when everything is falling apart in the surroundings. When things are not going well in my life, when there are difficulties, my thoughts go to him to find some courage, to find some inspiration, to find some calm. He had an easygoing nature, he didn’t let situations faze him easily. It isn’t that he wasn’t stressed, he just didn’t let that stop him from enjoying life.
There was one time, when we were in Nepal for a vacation and there were riots and all Indians were getting targeted. There was curfew in Kathmandu. But he had come there to visit. And he asked the driver to take us out to another city where there were no riots. On our way, the rioters somehow understood that we are an indian family and they started throwing stones on us. Somehow we reached the other city, but riots had also reached there. The rioters were going through hotels and searching for indian families. But he was still calm, he knew we will be able to get out of the place alive. He found a way to get help from Indian embassy and we just had to stay alive till then. Everyone was scared, maybe he was as well. But he never showed it, he stayed calm and even smiling for us, to make us feel safe. Somehow I knew, as long as he is there, nothing can happen to us.
Then there was another time, when we had just shifted into our new home. We had so much loan on us. The house was unfinished, the rooms windows were not finished, it was as if we were living in an open house. And he went to get grocery from nearby market and someone stole our car. It was a stressful situation, and still he was calm. He did whatever he could like filing complaint and all. But then he switched to get another loan and to get another car as it was needed at that time. He always said, “what happened has happened, and we can’t change it, what we can control is our reaction, we have a problem, instead of focusing on that we have a problem and waste time, emotions and energy, let’s focus on finding a solution. Ups and downs will come and go. And as long as we are alive and healthy, there is nothing in this world that we can’t do.”
He was very dedicated to his work, even on his last day, he made sure his work was complete in the operation theater before taking help for himself. He would always read latest books in his field and kept him up to date. His work was what kept him going, what kept him motivated. He never wanted to be dependent on anyone and he got what he wished for.
He never raised his hands on us, he never said anything demotivating to us. He always encouraged us. He was always positively pushing us towards the right thing. Yes we had arguments, and in end did what he said, but those were only arguments. He never asked us if we had done our homework. He trusted us that we will do the right thing. Infact, till we reached class ninenth, he never asked us to focus on studies. After school, we will all have lunch together, then sleep and then he would ask us to go play. His philosophy was that you can play as much you want, you will have to study a lot once you reach higher classes. So play, it improves your learning capacity and opens up your mind to possibilities. I think that helped us a lot. His trust in us, the freedom he gave us to be ourselves, him giving us responsibilities from very young helped shaped us into what we are now.
I never told him, but he was my rock. The only person on whom I trusted blindly. The only person who would never judge me if I shared my thoughts with him. I never showed that to anyone, but it was true. He was always there with me, just a phone call away.
I will always remember what he said to me after he taught me car, before giving me the keys, “Megha, here are the car keys, you can take it wherever you want, you can scratch it, make it a pile of rubbish, just make sure you are safe, everything happens to the car. You are more important than this non living thing.
And remember one thing, as long as you are my responsibility, you live under my roof, you have the freedom to try anything, fail multiple times and still keep on trying. You can switch careers if you want, you can switch college if you want. You can experiment and I will always stand by you to help you pursue your dreams. You can make mistakes and you will have a chance to correct them as I am standing behind you to support you, I am there to take the fall. But once you move out from my house, you will see no one will give you second chance, no one will give you their car to learn driving, one mistake and you are done. ”
And it’s true what he said. He was my champion. He always believed in me. He always believed that I have the potential to reach whatever I desire.
He made us strong, independent and confident. I hope I can give the same to my daughters.
